Matrescence: The Transformation of Motherhood that No One Talks About

Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?

It’s a question so many new parents ask themselves in the blurry, overwhelming days of early postpartum. I know I did. As I navigated the profound shifts of new motherhood—both the love and the loss, the expansion and the unraveling—I kept wondering: Why didn’t I know it would feel like this?

The truth is, there’s a word for what we go through when we become parents. There has been for decades. And yet, so few of us have heard of it.

What Is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the physical, emotional, psychological, and social transformation of becoming a mother. The term was first coined by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, but it’s only recently started to gain traction—thanks in part to authors and researchers like Lucy Jones, Jessie Harrold, and Kimberley Ann Johnson

Matrescence isn’t just a fleeting moment; it’s an unfolding process that happens over months and years, not just in the fourth trimester. It’s as profound as adolescence—another major developmental stage—yet we prepare for puberty with years of education, while new mothers are often left unaware and unprepared.

In Matrescence, Lucy Jones writes:

“We recognize adolescence as an intense time of change. We give it a name and expect the disruption. Matrescence, though, remains unnamed. We don’t recognize it for what it is: a developmental passage. We don’t prepare for it, acknowledge it, or support it.”

When we don’t name something, we don’t know to expect it. And when we don’t expect it, we feel alone in it.

The Psychological and Emotional Shift of Matrescence

For many, early motherhood brings joy and exhaustion in equal measure, but it also brings an identity shift that can feel disorienting. Jessie Harrold describes this beautifully in Mothershift:

“Becoming a mother is an initiation. It is a shedding and a becoming, a slow, often painful dissolution of what was, and the careful, intentional creation of what will be.”

This transformation is not just hormonal (though, trust me, hormones play a major role). It’s emotional. Social. Existential. Our relationships shift, our values change, and the way we see ourselves in the world is rewritten.

For some, these changes feel like a homecoming. For others, they feel like a loss. Many of us experience both at the same time.

Studies show that up to 85% of new mothers experience mood shifts in the early postpartum period, and 1 in 5 develop postpartum depression or anxiety. But how much of that distress is exacerbated by the fact that we don’t know to expect it? That we aren’t told this transformation is normal?

Kimberley Ann Johnson, author of The Fourth Trimester, writes:

“We spend so much time preparing for birth, but birth is just the beginning. The real journey is learning how to be in this new body, this new identity, this new life.”

My Own Journey Through Postpartum Anxiety

For me, the postpartum period cracked me open in ways I never could have imagined. I expected sleep deprivation. I expected love so big it hurt. But I didn’t expect the anxiety that hummed beneath my skin, the sense of overwhelm that felt impossible to articulate, the feeling that I had stepped into a life that was both deeply mine and completely foreign at the same time.

It wasn’t just exhaustion. It wasn’t just hormones. It was matrescence. And no one had told me about it.

That experience is what led me to this work—supporting birth parents, helping them understand this transformation, and creating space for them to process what they’re going through with compassion and clarity. Because when we name what’s happening, when we understand that the disorientation is part of the process, we can meet it with more grace and less fear.

The Missing Conversations: What Every Parent Deserves to Know

If more of us understood matrescence before becoming parents, how might things be different?

• We wouldn’t feel so alone. We’d know that feeling raw, stretched thin, and changed isn’t a sign that something is wrong—it’s a sign that something big is happening.
• We’d prepare differently. We wouldn’t just make birth plans; we’d make postpartum plans. We’d build emotional support systems alongside nursery registries.
• We’d give ourselves more grace. We’d understand that self-doubt, shifting priorities, and grief over our former selves aren’t failures—they’re part of the transformation.

Matrescence Is a Lifelong Evolution

Here’s the thing about matrescence: it doesn’t end when the newborn phase does.

The shifts continue as we navigate toddlerhood, school-age years, adolescence, and beyond. Each stage of our child’s life calls us to evolve in new ways. We grow as they grow. We change as they change.

Matrescence is not just about birth—it’s about becoming. Again and again.

Let’s Change the Conversation

So, if you’re a new parent, or preparing to become one, I want you to know this:

💛 You are not broken. You are becoming.

💛 The overwhelm is not failure—it’s transformation.

💛 You don’t have to do this alone.

This journey is too big, too important, too profound to navigate in isolation. If we talked about matrescence as openly as we talk about pregnancy and birth, how much gentler would this transition feel?

If you’re in the midst of this shift and need support—someone to help you process, regulate, and integrate this new version of yourself—I would love to help.

I offer compassionate, relationship-centered therapy for birth parents navigating matrescence, postpartum anxiety, and the emotional shifts of new parenthood.

👉 Schedule a free consultation to see how we can work together. You don’t have to go through this transformation alone.

Because motherhood isn’t just about raising a child—it’s about becoming a new version of yourself. And you deserve to be supported in that becoming.

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